The Wife You Want to Be
Every Christian wife struggles with having a Biblical marriage. I know I fail on a daily basis. But that doesn’t mean we give up. What it does mean is we never stop trying to do better. Because as Christian women we know that having a Biblical marriage is what God wants for us. So how do we do better?
What is a Biblical Marriage?
Most of us grew up with the idea that one day we would find that one person who “completes” us and we would get married and live happily ever after. Well, I hate to burst your bubble but that is a worldly viewpoint. I can’t really blame you if that is what you thought would happen. Because that’s what I spent my life wanting also. But that is not the true purpose of marriage. In a Biblical marriage, the only one who should be worshipped is God.
A Biblical marriage is supposed to be a mirror of the covenant God made with his people. Even though we struggle, argue, and deal with stressful times our job as a wife is to help our husband develop a better relationship with God and vice-versa. Our marriages are to help us focus on another person so that we can overcome the selfishness that we are taught by the world around us. We are to lift each other up in all things and to be complementary to each other, not equals.
In a Christian marriage, the man is the head of his household. He is the leader, protector, and provider. The wife is a nurturer, a helper to her husband, and a keeper of the home. Our roles are different but equal in importance. So many people have misunderstood this concept, myself included. As a couple, a man and wife should provide the best possible foundation for a family. Gregory Brown in his bible study of 1 Peter says, “When a marriage does not function properly, it mars the image of God and it breaks down every aspect of society”. This has been proven to be true, just look around you. Our culture is a living example of the breakdown of traditional marriage.
Submission Does Not Mean Slavery
If we are in good relationship with Christ we submit to his will, if not, we are inclined to sin. I can say I know this from first-hand experience. And when we fight against his plan for us, trust me things get difficult real fast. The beauty of submitting to Christ is that he always wants what’s best for us. Our marriage is supposed to be a mirror of this relationship, so in-turn we need to trust and submit to our husbands. This absolutely does not mean we allow ourselves to be abused. So what’s the difference?
Many modern women would say submission is allowing yourself to be abused. I would say to this, if you are following a Biblical standard of marriage you will know. If your husband is not following scripture in how he treats you, then that is abuse and you should seek help. A good husband will never allow harm to come to his wife, it is his duty to protect and cherish her.
“Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them.” Colossians 3:18-19
My Failings As a Worldy Wife
Right out of the gate my mentality of what it meant to be a wife set me up for failure. I dreamed of the day when I would find a man who was my soul mate, someone I worshipped who would worship me. I didn’t understand what marriage was truly meant for. The irony was I grew up Mormon and learned mostly that I was supposed to cook, clean, and have lots of babies. But I never really understood why or that there was more to that. So as I got older and was taught that I should be a strong woman and I could be anything I wanted, and that created a HUGE conflict in my brain. Which was it? Be a strong woman in control or be a submissive housewife? And honestly, I didn’t understand what either meant.
The other idea that I developed mostly thanks to our culture was that if my marriage didn’t work I could always get divorced. That concept played an even bigger role in my life when my marriage started to fall apart. The thing that really destroyed my marriage was my constant desire to be in control of everything. It wasn’t that Aaron was a wuss, he definitely wasn’t. It was just that at that time I had an amazing ability to wear people down especially if I didn’t get my way. And in order to keep his side of the marriage together, Aaron just gave up trying to fight me. Don’t get me wrong he had his moments too, he was just less vocal. Together we were a mess. But God was more stubborn about his plan for us then we were at messing it up.
How to Make it Work
There were moments during our marriage when we were exposed to Biblical ideals and the idea of letting Aaron lead was a refreshing one. I was so exhausted from trying to run everything like I thought a modern wife was supposed to. I mean we are told we can have it all, right?!? Well, it wasn’t until I converted that I realized, I didn’t want it all. I just wanted to give it to God and let him lead me. Just like I should have given it to Aaron and let him be the man he was meant to be.
All of us fail every day. Those of us who are new to Christianity and those of us who grew up in the church. We aren’t perfect, and we aren’t expected to be. But our goal should be to be perfected in Christ. As couples, we should continually be lifting each other up. Helping each other seek a better relationship with Christ. Accepting the flaws each of us has and doing what God has commanded us to do.
“That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another.” John 13:34
Tips for the Tough Times
- Aboundingjoy.com: Description and Bible quotes of what a biblical marriage is.
- Bible.org: Lessons from 1 Peter on how to have a Biblical marriage.
- Focus on the Family: Tips for dealing with problems in a marriage.
- Pray together for guidance
- Read your Bible
- Strengthen your relationship with Christ
- Take time for each other
When you feel like you just can’t handle another day of picking up his socks off the bathroom floor. Or you’ve told him a million times where his keys are. Try to remember he loves you, and you are just as flawed as him. And you’re in this together. Be a light to the rest of the world. A Biblical marriage is the best marriage there is, even when we bicker, or get frustrated. We are the cure to the ails of our society. God Bless.