A Traditional Homemaker, Today?
You’d think with the way some people react, that we homemakers were an endangered species. Well, it’s actually not true. There are quite a bit of us out there and it seems that homemaking is making a come back among younger women. Among these women, there is a sense of nostalgia for the time when things were simpler and the importance of a homemaker was not only understood but celebrated. But most of us traditional homemakers today are finding a whole different kind of response to our chosen occupation, and it’s not exactly kind. So how do we deal with being a traditional homemaker in today’s culture, and what exactly does that mean anyway?
What is a Traditional Homemaker?
To many women, it means many things. The list below gives a general idea of some of the major aspects of what it means to be a traditional homemaker. Some of these do not apply to all, but that is ok. I myself no longer have children at home, which honestly has caused some to question why I still choose to be a homemaker (more on that later). Where ever you are in the homemaker realm; with children, just starting your family, or your children are grown, you still fit the majority of these points.
Qualities of a Homemaker
- A married woman with or without children who does not have a full-time job outside of the home
- She works hard to provide a clean and welcoming home environment for her family and guests
- A mother who works to instill traditional moral values in her children. And sets an example as such.
- A wife who shows respect and love to her husband
- She strives to be a lady at all times. Seeking to rid herself of worldly behaviors and attitudes.
- She is a complementary partner to her husband. Their weaknesses and strengths complement each other.
- Her tasks are many. Cleaning, cooking, managing schedules, meal planning, raising her children, providing an inviting home environment, and much more.
- She is strong yet feminine
When I Tell Other Women What I Do, I Get That Face, You Know the One
I remember it very clearly, the first time I told someone I was a homemaker when I was asked what I do for a living. The face, you know the one, that complete look of confusion and then a concern that you must be in an abusive relationship and it’s ok you can confide in her to get help. I know you’ve seen it, it’s the face people make when someone silently passes gas. Yup, I got that a lot when I was younger. But honestly, it’s worse now that my daughter no longer lives with us. There’s all the statements and questions like, “Now that your daughter’s grown you could get a job”. Or, “Don’t you feel like you’re wasting your talents, sitting at home all day”? That was one I consistently got, “I hate to see your potential wasted”. It can be so infuriating!
What I really dislike about all this judgment heaped on homemakers is that it almost always comes from self-proclaimed feminists. The problem with that is, don’t feminists pride themselves on being for equal rights and for the rights of women to be able to choose to do whatever they want in life. So why the heck do you not support my decision to be a homemaker?!?
You’re Setting Womanhood Back 50 Years!
Many times when people bash this way of living and use the bible to give an example of why it’s antiquated and sexist. The most common quote is “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord. (Colossians 3:18). Many feel this is horrible. Well, there are two problems with this… 1. They fail to add the next line from that scripture, “ Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them. (Colossians 3:19), and 2. Submission is not what most women outside of the church understand, nor do they actually read the scripture in context.
Submission most certainly does not mean; let your husband abuse you, act like he is better than you, or allow yourself to be a doormat. What it does mean is that women and men are very different, science and cultural studies have proven this time and time again. We are complementary, not equals, our roles are very different but both equally as valuable. Women are designed to nurture and care. Men are designed to protect and provide. When I say we are not equal, I never mean in worth, I mean we are different (not the same). We are all created equal in the eyes of the Lord.
So How Do I Deal With the Negativity
I firmly believe one of the hardest and most rewarding jobs in the world is to be a mother and traditional homemaker. There was one time when I was asked what I did for a living and when I gave my response, I got a very surprising reaction. The woman said, “So you work full-time then”? I could have hugged her. Not everyone is going to treat you like your living the “Handmaids Tale” in real life. But how can you deal with those that do? I certainly don’t condone being catty or returning rude remarks with rude. But there are some ways to make your point and possibly turn the rudeness back on its originator and maybe even make the person think about what they’ve said.
Try some of these suggestions the next time you are faced with such a cringe-worthy situation.
- When trading your statements of occupation, respond exactly the same way they responded to you. ie: “Oh you’re a homemaker? Don’t you feel like you’re wasting your potential”? Your response to them, “Oh you’re a ___? Don’t you feel like you’re wasting your potential”? I know this may seem catty, but what you’re really doing is pointing out the absurdity of their statement. Maybe it will get them thinking.
- When someone gives you a negative response about being a homemaker, in a confident voice tell them about all the wonderful benefits you experience from your life. ie: Kill them with kindness.
- Realize that most of the time people put others down to make themselves feel better. It’s a coping mechanism to deal with the shortfalls in their own life. You could take this into consideration, and just be kind to them and move on with your day. Ultimately, it’s not up to you to convince others that your lifestyle is worthy. If you are happy then who gives a poo what others think. (I know this is something I am working on myself).
Bring Back the Traditional Homemaker
There are so many reasons to support our fellow homemakers. They are there for their children, giving them the attention they need to thrive and grow, to become productive and responsible adults. They create welcome home environments for fellowship and the gathering of family and friends. My childhood was wonderful and I can honestly say it was because the majority of my life, my mother was a homemaker. In my previous post Family Meals Around the Table, Not Just a Holiday Tradition, I talk about how my mother made our house a home through this simple tradition.
It has been documented recently in studies that the happiness of women overall has been on a dramatic decline since the age of women’s liberation. Could this be a reaction to the high demands of modern life on women that choose to try to have it all? I firmly believe that you should have the right to choose whatever life you want. Our Constitution guarantees that. What I disagree with is, if you are going to have children and you don’t need to work full-time, focus on your children. If you want to have a career, have a career. And remember homemakers, you’re not alone. We are the silent majority.
Other Posts You Might Enjoy:
Homemaking ~ How to Make the Dream a Reality
A Steward Speaks…Chivalry Never Died
The Steward Model, Traditional Values in Today’s Culture
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I used to get that all the time !
then we homeschooled ! again, lots of negative ……… what made me mad was that perfect strangers would question my daughter & put her down !
the nicest they could muster is : ” oh, is school out today ?” we started saying.. gosh we don’t know. ( they would have blank looks on their faces ).
now that daughter is getting married in a few weeks.. & she plans on working part time until their 1st child comes along. even her friends that have had kids are talking about Homeschooling & being home with their families.
SO , all is not lost. MANY young women have left the femists behind !!
AMEN !!
I wish I could have homeschooled! I didn’t even know where to find the resources back when our daughter was little. It’s not like today, with the amazing amount of support and resources parents have.
I find it so funny how people think it’s ok to just force their opinion on complete strangers. I have a feeling traditional women are the silent majority, and I want to make sure they don’t feel alone in a world of the shrill feminist voice. 🙂
I completely understand the addition of homeschooling, all 4 of my chldren homeschooled at various points and people were always so kind to share their unbridled judgment in front of them. I retorted with “well I have 2 masters degrees and a teaching license that says I can teach all children, I just like mine better” which is entirely true. I am a licensed educator. The other one was always “arent you worried about socialization” to which I would respond “I grew up in Los Angeles public schools, I am a military veteran, I have 2 advanced degrees, my husband was homeschooled. He is retired Air Force has a Masters in psychology, a pilots license since he was 15 and provides for his family of 6 without issue, so we both turned out fine, but to be honest he is so much nicer than I am, with much better manner too… something tells me you were a public schooler too”…. sometimes the high road just seems too high…lol
Wow, Chrissy! That’s so awesome. Way to represent homeschooling families! I wished I had had the resources back when my daughter, I would have homeschooled, I just didn’t have any clue how to get started. Thanks for your great comment! And congrats, you’re doin it, right mama. Thank you both also for your service!
I jumped the fence on feminism about 5 years ago. I was raised by a 2nd wave feminist and walking away from 3rd wave was like trying to leave a cult. I lost a lot of friends, to be honest. This Friday is my last day at my part time job and I am overjoyed and feeling so blessed. My parents are not supportive but my husband and in laws are. Meanwhile, my children are so excited, as am I! I haven’t stayed at home full time ever, either working or going to university and I’m feeling so blessed. I love this article for support and tips. Thanks for saying what a lot of women want to but maybe fear social fall out of it.
Thank you so much for your lovely comment. I really think it’s important for women like us to feel supported, we have such an important role, especially today. I truly believe a lot of the problems in our culture is because of the lack of attention children are getting. I lost quite a few friends when I became a conservative Christian, but I gained so many more. I’m glad you’re here!
That is awesome and congratulations! I think women who put down other women for making their choice to put family and kids first should OPnever be put down and we need to bring back homemakers and stay at home moms and support them. That’s what’s wrong now. European countries are much better about it than here. I am so happy for you and your family.
Thank you so much for your kind words. I truly believe there is nothing more important than the family. I truly believe the devaluation and breakdown of the traditional family is why we are seeing the horrible things happening in our country that we see on the news every day. That’s why I try to provide a place for women to get the tools they need to nurture their families. 🙂 I have found that a lot of the reason certain women put down homemakers is that, like me when I was younger they believe that homemaking isn’t an option. They feel guilted in to getting a career and then express envy when they see other women being successful at homemaking. That has been my experience anyway. Thank you, Michelle, for supporting us! 🙂
The main comment that I always get when people ask me what I do for a living is either “so you don’t do anything?” Or something along the lines of “wow, must be nice to have that luxury” as if I married a rich man or something. I absolutely hate it! I’m only 20, so people still ask me what I want to do in life, as if I’m in college, and I always say “All I ever wanted is to be a good wife and a good mother.” I’ve got the wife part down, now all I need is to start having babies! Lol but the fact that I’m a homemaker at age 20 with no children always surprises people too. They think I must have been pregnant or something to get married when I was 19. I hate this new wave of feminism and all of the rude comments and bitter women it has created. 🙁 sorry for the long comment. Just needed to vent a little!
Thanks for your comment Rachel. It’s so sad the mentality people have about homemakers, we have such a positive impact on culture! I get the same thing now that my daughter is grown, like I said in the post. It’s like they don’t understand that my job’s not done just because my daughter is raised! You have support here lady! 🙂
So very happy to find this page and follow. I couldn’t agree more with everyone here! Bless you all and keep tradition going! This country seems to have completely lost all knowledge of what it means to be a homemaker, a mother, and a wife! I’m 63 years old and had to work, but now I’m retired and I couldn’t be happier putzing around the house and yard.
Keep up the great work😘
Thank you so much for your support Georgina! I hope I can help young women learn how important it is to be a homemaker, especially these days. Happy putzing! 🙂
I have long desired to be a homemaker. Homemaking is not only important to the vitality of the home, but it’s a position I believe I would find very satisfying. It brings out all kinds of creativity, hospitality and order.
This is so very true Shylo! A homemaker’s job is vital not only to the family, but also the community. We are providing an example and raising the next generation.
I’m working so hard to pay off our debts so I can quit and be a homemaker. I’m the bread winner, so this is really difficult. The home is the foundation of everything. I just hope I can achieve this before my kids are grown up and gone. I’m really not digging the new wave feminism. It was supposed to be the fight to choose things. Like, the choice to work or stay home. I feel like women have been brainwashed into believing they need to prove something by working. Personally, I think it’s media trying to increase income to produce more consumers. Businesses know if the income is single, the households would be more conservative with their spending. That’s just my opinion though!
I couldn’t agree more! You are so right Marie. I did another post on How to make the homemaking dream a reality. It has some great resources that might be helpful. 🙂 I certainly know the struggle.
I feel for Rachel. It took the better part of my early 20’s for people to finally leave me alone and stop asking me questions about if I finished University or if I am going back and patronizing me about it. Now at 26 nobody really bothers me about this anymore, they have got a clue.
Elize you know I sympathize with you! It’s getting better for me, but I still get the off-hand comment now and then.
I would like to say, that when all the children are gone it is still amazingly important to be home. I am not close to that at all, but here is why I think this:
I often think (although my kids are little) about my children-in-law, about my grandchildren, and about the fact of us being grandpa and grandma!!
If I go to work, my grandchildren won’t see me enough and my daughter/s and daughters-in-law won’t have the support they might need from me. My children would be like “???” So used to me being supportive to suddenly being gone. So I look forward to growing our family through the marriages of my little ones when they grow up. I look forward to visiting my children when they want my visits and to being home for them to visit.
Also, if my hubby retires, why in the world would I not wanna be home with him?
As grandparents, it’s important to be there to teach our daughters and daughters-in-law all the cool stuff they might want to learn (hopefully they want to be SAHM too! God willing).
So, so true Marina! Couldn’t have said it better myself. Your family is truly blessed to have you!
In my observation, the initial push of feminism was to give women the opportunities to make a living on their own as an alternative to marriage, and for some a means of survival. I agree with this and am grateful for it as it certainly helped me in my life. This current form of feminism, in my view, is less about equality and more about supplanting men and here is where I must part ways with them. I agree with you, women and men were created to complement each other and as such both are necessary in different ways. I question why in the feminist view I am vilified for wanting to have a more traditional role now, and the more so since I don’t have children. I am still working full time, but my prayers and heart cry are daily to be able to focus full time on keeping the home, garden, and orchard in full swing to take the best care of my husband and I.
This is so true! I firmly believe under the law we should all be treated equally as I am a constitutionalist. Freedom to choose is our God given right. But this new wave of feminism does not promote equality. And in my view is an unnecessary movement for us here in the US. We have true equality under our laws. If they really want to make a difference they would focus their efforts on countries and religions that oppress women. I hope Dana I may be able to give you some resources through my blog to make that dream a reality for you! Thank you for such an amazing comment!
In regard to women’s happiness levels decreasing since feminism began, I have noticed that in my home and in those of most other women I speak to that the woman is STILL doing the lion’s share of cooking, cleaning, and child rearing even if she works full time outside the home. So basically, you have a situation where feminism has not “freed” women from their traditional roles so much as it has added a full time career on top of them. Who wouldn’t be exhausted under such a load? When their husbands come home and sit down in front of the TV, their wives are getting dinner, doing laundry and trying to marshal kids into doing homework – they haven’t even had a chance to catch their breath! There isn’t much time to talk about the day or encourage each other, devotional time goes out the window and intimacy? Forget about it! How does this breed love and solid relationships? Women feel overworked, sometimes downright resentful of their husbands for not sharing the duties at home equally. Men lack the closeness and intimacy they once shared and children certainly sense the tension in the air. It’s a recipe for disaster with everyone growing apart and eventually moving apart.
EXACTLY! You are so right. Feminism bred this disaster and now it’s up to us to find solutions and support to get out of this mess.
Thank you for this! My dream since I was a little girl has always been to be a mother and a homemaker. I tried going to school for nursing and have recieved several certifications in the health care field but found that I was very unhappy. I long for the day where I can stay home, keep a clean house and ensure that my family is taken care of. These days, many people show judgement and disapproval towards my decision. It is very comforting to know there are other people out there who support homemakers!
You’re welcome Katelyn! There are more of us out there then I think people realize. We are the silent majority. I hope you find the support you need here on our blog. 🙂
I know this is an older post, but I still wanted to comment! I would consider myself a feminist, but I’m also planning on staying home with my baby who is due in December! You’re right, the point of feminism is that you should be able to do what you want to do – it’s not the idea that you should work full time, or that you shouldn’t stay at home with your kids… it’s the idea that you should have the ability to choose! I have some friends who work full time with kids, and they want to; I don’t want to, and so I’m staying at home- but in no way am I pushing back the clock on feminism. There’s an old saying that “the hand that rocks the cradle rules the nation” – I can’t think of anything more empowering or encouraging for a stay at home mama than knowing that you have such an influence over the next generation!
Amanda,
Firstly congrats on your new baby! How exciting! Secondly, I couldn’t agree more with your statement. We really need to start changing the stigma surrounding the “choice” to be a full-time at-home-mom. And you are so right about the hand that rocks the cradle. We really need our mother’s to focus on shaping the future citizens of our world. And if you don’t want to create future citizens that’s fine too. 😉 Thanks for your awesome comment!
The concept of choosing to be a stay at home mom/homemaker is so foreign to society it’s scary. Here in Canada our healthcare is covered by our taxes. However, this means longer wait time for specialist referrals. Someone that has a secular job is deemed higher-need than a homemaker when it comes to being triaged for specialist referrals. Basically, a stay at home mother will wait longer for her referrals (even up to multiple years) than someone who has a secular job. As much as I hate to do it, I downplay my role as homemaker when seeing my doctor and embellish my role in my husbands homebased company. The fact that my health care is dependent on my source of income or how I spend my time is truly ridiculous! I love being a homemaker and stay at home mom and it’s time society starts viewing it as a valid and necessary part of the world!
Hey Holly!
Thank you so much for this insight. WOW! How sad. I guess this is just another example of the failures of socialized medicine. I am aware of many of the problems with Canada’s medical care thanks to having many Canadian friends (we live really close to the border of B.C.). It is so sad how our cultures de-value homemakers. I feel for you. Thank you so much again for your comment. It really exposes some of the struggles we face as homemakers in today’s society.
I just found this post on Pinterest and it wasn’t at all what I was expecting ( a good thing!) I had my oldest at 17 and spent most of my marriage doing all the house work, child rearing, and pulling in extra income in order to make ends meet. Many of these things led to, unfortunately, divorce. Feminism gave me the worst of both and I was kind of in between. I also watched my mom do all the housework and work full time so I thought it was “normal”.
Now I’m with a new partner and he is working so hard for me to be able to stay home. It’s a sacrifice and a blessing when people do it, but having a supportive partner is really key. If a man isn’t mature enough to give up video games or spending money in order for his wife to be a homemaker it can be really challenging.
In my opinion the key for women as a group to be happy is to find a good man and to stay in the home. (Obviously it’s not for everyone but the majority, I think, would benefit.) Now I’m working on being a better homemaker and mother and am so blessed I have this opportunity while I’m still young enough to enjoy it.
Hey Erika! I’m so glad you liked it. I knew it was going to be a controversial topic. I had oftentimes thought of deleting it due to some of the negative backlash I was getting. So I looked over it again and realized that it wasn’t as bad as the negative people were making it out to be, so I kept it. Honestly, it has helped more women then I thought it would. I almost ended up divorced because of trying to be the women society said I should be. My husband is a wonderful man and was extremely patient (he has his flaws too of course), but we made it through the rough times. He felt so devauled because I always acted like I could do it all. I couldn’t, nor did I want to! We needed eachother. I truly mean it when I say men and women aren’t equal, but when I say it I mean we aren’t the same, we have equal value, but we are very different. We MUST support eachother’s roles to have a good marriage. And I really believe a lot of societies ails are because so many children are being raised by daycare providers and their teachers instead of by their parents. They aren’t getting the attention they need.
The wonderful thing about living in the US is that we have the right to choose. And I, like you, choose to be a homemaker. I also try to make it clear that being in a traditional relationship does not mean staying with an abusive husband. Find a good man and communicate with eachother. And honestly how a husband and wife choose to live their life is nobody’s business, right?!?
I am so happy you were able to find a good man that works hard to make sure you get to take care of your kids and home. You are very blessed and lucky! Thank you so much for your kind comment!
I am so delighted to have come across this post. I have been a full-time homemaker for going on a year with no kids, but plenty of fur-babies. My mother has made it thoroughly clear that she dislikes my decision to be a homemaker. Anytime I visit her, it is within minutes that she will mention that I need to “make something of myself”. Her reasoning is because my husband will “not always be there” and “what would happen if he were to leave?”
It is so frustrating given that since I have become a homemaker, I have visibly seen how much happier my husband and myself have been. Our relationship has grown ten fold, and our beautiful animals are getting the full attention that they deserve. Our home has grown brighter and the energy has shifted from that of tensity to a place that is filled with love and relaxation. I am more capable of focusing on the things that I truly love like art.
It is good to see that there are others out there like me. It is good to hear that I am still valid in this modern world.
I am so glad you like my post! It can be so hard when people are judging and don’t understand our choices especially when it comes from family. Like I said in the post it’s really no body’s business but yours and your husband.
It sounds like you and your husband made the best decision for yourselves. So glad you found happiness!
Just know there are more women out there then you think that agree! 🙂
I recently got married, and have been pursuing homemaking. I have also received the whole “aren’t you wasting your talents?” line, but I am convicted that the home is my primary place to be, and it is where I love to be! I found this blog post very encouraging 🙂 thanks so much!
Thank you for the sweet comment, Nicole. It can be difficult at times. But know you are exactly where you need to be. And if you and your husband agree on the way you want your life to be than it’s nobody elses business. It took a long time for me to learn that. Just know that there is support out there and many more women like you. 🙂 I am so glad to be able to help! 🙂
I am very grateful for this post. I recently decided to leave my full time job of 11 years to be home with my kids. My husband and I discussed it at length and decided that we were able to live on his income alone and I so badly missed being with my kids daily and was miserable. So I took the plunge and quite. I was shocked and deeply hurt when our friend, who is like family to us start taking jabs at me for not working. He would say things like, why don’t you apply with this company. I worry about ya’ll living on one income aren’t you worried about what might happen if your husband can’t work. He even goes so far as to blow up my phone with job ads trying to get me to apply. I can’t help but feel offended. Last time he came to the house he asked me “how the job hunt was going” I have been a home maker now for more than six months . I told him I wasn’t looking, that I was happy being home, to which he replied “well I still think you should go to work”. I was so mad that I haven’t been able to get over it to this day. I expected the remarks from strangers and even my old co workers, but to have some one who knows me that well and is considered my family to me so judgmental was a terrible feeling.
Thank you so much. Whew. Hon, I really feel for you. I have had the same experience with a family friend. He doesn’t understand what I am doing as a blogger is an actual job. I actually had my husband read your comment and asked for his advice. Because you and your husband chose this together it is of course no one’s business but yours. But because this friend seems to persist in his disrespectful behavior even after you confronted him about it. Aaron and I agree both you and your husband need to confront him and say that his comments are disrespectful to you as a family and it needs to stop. From there it’s up to you as a couple what should happen if the behavior continues. Aaron and I have actually experienced this exact problem. Many people don’t understand because our culture is more focused on material things instead of what matters most, family. I will keep you in my prayers hon. It is definitely not easy, but know you have other homemakers who support you. 🙂