Creating a healthy happy marriage can only happen if both parties are willing to support each other. Are you being a supportive wife? Do you feel like you are encouraging your husband to be his best? Does he feel loved and appreciated? Oftentimes, as wives, we forget that our husbands need our support and love. After all, they’re big strong men, right? Why is it so important to strive to be a better wife?
I know what you’re thinking. What about me? Shouldn’t my husband want to be a better husband? Yes, he definitely should. I will most likely have Aaron help me write a post about that as well. But, for now, we are going to address our roles as wives. And when we take action for our role in our marriage I find the other person is much more likely to reciprocate. Just like you, I know I could use a reminder about how to take accountability in
Why Should You Strive to Be a Better Wife?
You got married for a reason, right? You loved your husband so much you thought your heart might burst if you couldn’t be with him every day for the rest of your life. So why on earth would you question why you should put effort into being a better mate to him? If you are finding the idea off-putting or you think he should be doing this instead of you. You have some other issues you need to deal with in your marriage. I only know this because about 5 years ago I was there too. I was always thinking, “Why am I putting all the work into this marriage? When is he gonna do something to try and make me happier too?” Well, needless to say, that attitude almost got me a second divorce. Sorry, little tough love there. I only point this out, because I wish someone had done the same for me.
I’ve said it so many times before and I’ll say it again when you’ve been married for any length of time you can end up in a rut. We all do it. We have so much going on in our day to day lives that sometimes our husband can get put on the back burner. Especially if you have kids at home. And if you really want to reconnect with him and nurture your marriage it should be a no-brainer that you should be supporting him. When you have a healthy marriage the desire to lift your husband up should bring you great joy. For either spouse, we should always want to see a smile on our partner’s face or see them succeed. We are on the same team after all. But how exactly do you take action to be a better wife?
Actionable Tips to Be a Better Wife
Here are some great, simple ways you can become a better wife today!
- Talk him up to friends and family. Highlight his great qualities when talking about spouses.
- Make a point to tell him how much you appreciate the things he does for you and your family.
- When in an argument attack the problem with him, not him personally.
- Try to set aside one night a week for date night.
- Let him take a moment to breathe when he gets home from work before attacking him with all the problems of the day.
- Include him in decisions instead of telling him later. Like when you tell him the day of that your parents are coming over for dinner or that you decided to buy that $1000 couch he wasn’t too fond of.
- Tell him straight away when something is bothering you, and be direct and to the point. Don’t wait till it’s festered and blow up at him.
- You should be giving him sexual attention a minimum of 3 times a week.
- Make sure he has at least one night a week doing something he loves away from home. Like having a night with the guys.
- Make him a favorite meal at least once a week.
- Keep an eye on that mole on his back.
- Help him feel confident enough to reach for his dreams even if they don’t seem realistic to you.
- Tell him how much you enjoy getting passionate with him. ie: Tell him what you like that he does in bed.
Don’t Do This
- Don’t nag. Just don’t. Men don’t respond to nagging. Same with being passive-aggressive. It’s childish and you are better than that.
- Don’t talk bad about your husband to your friends or family. I see way too many women doing this. That being said, if you think you are in an abusive relationship do talk to your friends or family about it.
- Never talk down to your husband or belittle him. You wouldn’t want him to treat you that way.
- Don’t make plans or volunteer him for things without discussing it with him.
- If you have a problem with something in your marriage don’t let it fester. He’s not a fricken mind reader.
- If you have kids encourage him to spend time with them. But do not treat him like a baby sitter. They are his kids too, he’s not babysitting, he’s parenting.
- Don’t make fun of his desires or dreams or tell him they’re unrealistic.
- Don’t complain about his performance in bed. A lot of times this is because we as women are not very verbal about what we like in bed (again he’s not a mind reader). Maybe you should emphasize what you do like?
When You’re Putting In Effort in Your Marriage But It’s Not Being Reciprocated
So you’ve been putting in the effort to boost your husband and show him support and love, but it feels like nothing has gotten better in your marriage. What are the signs that your marriage needs more help and you’ve done everything in your power to nurture it? Below are some signs that you made need to take further action.
Signs You’re Marriage May Need Outside Help
- You’ve put in the effort to make your husband feel important but it’s not being reciprocated. You shouldn’t expect anything in return for your actions or you may be doing this with less than healthy intentions. But if you have a loving marriage your husband will naturally begin to appreciate and reciprocate your efforts.
- Even after you’ve taken accountability for your part in your marriage’s problems, he hasn’t.
- He exhibits demeaning behavior and makes fun of the things you’ve done to improve your relationship.
- Your husband won’t let you evolve and grow. He constantly brings up past actions and behaviors.
- You feel like your jumping through hoops just to make sure he’s happy.
- He doesn’t recognize the actions you’ve taken to improve yourself and your relationship.
If you are experiencing any of these signs you might need to consider marriage counseling. It’s important that you communicate with your spouse in an open and honest way. Guys don’t deal well with passive-aggressive behavior. And once again they can’t read minds. But if you have made your best effort and are experiencing any of the things I listed above, that is a sign of an unhealthy relationship. Trust me, I would know. Thankfully Aaron and I were able to work out our issues and have done a lot of growing. There is always hope. The important thing is to know when it’s time to admit when a relationship is destructive and unhealthy. And seek help.
Things to Remember About Making Your Marriage Healthy
There are so many reasons a marriage can get off track. We are human after all. We all have our issues. But within a marriage, it’s all about sharing the good, the bad, and the messy parts of ourselves. It’s being with someone who loves you not only in spite of our flaws but sometimes because of them. I often ask Aaron if he knows why I love him, he always plays along and says, “No. Why?”. That’s when I say, ” Because you put up with my shit”. And then he always says, “Know why I love you?” “Because you put up with my shit too”.
I truly believe that love is like a coin on one side is the love you have for your spouse and on the other side is an equal amount of hate. A lot of people disagree with this analogy. But bear with me. Think about your previous relationships before your spouse. Do you think that person could put up with the amount of anger or animosity you show your spouse when you fight? Hell, no! That’s most likely because you didn’t love them as much as you love your spouse. The true opposite of love is apathy (the complete lack of caring for a person). When you have apathy for your spouse, that is when your marriage is really in trouble.
In the end, we can only be held accountable for our actions and the role we play in our marriage. Good or bad. This is the reason why it’s important to make the effort to be a better wife. It’s to bring out the best version of your spouse. The greatest motivator for someone to be their best and return your love is when they are appreciated.
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