Femininity No Longer Appreciated
Young women are no longer being taught how to be feminine. And it’s because of one of the most glaring problems I see in our culture today. A complete lack of appreciation for femininity. Instead; being loud, aggressive, unkempt, and promiscuous are traits that seem to get praised. We are being told that behaving this way is what will make you a strong woman. Behave this way and you can have it all.
What if I told you that you could be feminine and still be considered strong? And that having it all shouldn’t really be something a lady would even want to aspire to. Being a feminine woman is about not needing to constantly be the center of attention. It’s more about putting others needs before your own. To live the motto of hospitality in all parts of your life.
Traits of Femininity
I think before we continue we should probably define the traits of a feminine woman. These are just the basics as there are many traits a feminine woman can have. Also, every woman is so unique and may embody different aspects of being feminine. But I think these are a good foundation to start with.
- Practices Politeness
- Does not engage in promiscuous behavior
- Modest in manner and dress
- Nurtures her family and home
- Cares about the comfort of those around her (hospitality)
- Continually strives to better herself
- Refrains from gossip and malicious activities
- Strives to be gentle and kind
- Makes a conscious effort to not argue with or demean her husband
- Uses reason to make her point, not emotion or a shrill voice
- Understands that being a lady means giving men a reason to strive to be gentlemen
These are just a few of the key traits of what it means to be feminine. I can assure you by no means do I live up to all of these. But I strive every day to practice more of these traits in my own life. This is where grace comes in. But I truly believe that if more women practiced even a few of these traits the world would be a much better place.
Why Should You Want to Be More Feminine?
So that brings me to why should I want to be more feminine? The simple answer is by being a woman it is in your biology. Women and men are not only built physically different but their chemical make-up is different as well. As I’ve stated before in my article “How to Survive as a Traditional Homemaker in The Age of Third Wave Feminism”, we are not equals, but rather complementary. How that is controversial is beyond me. A woman should not strive to do everything a man can do, because she was designed to do everything he can’t. That being said, I firmly believe that under the law we should most definitely be treated equally.
There have been some studies done recently that show some interesting trends when it comes to choices the genders make when everything is completely equal. (You can read about these fascinating studies here & here.) In countries where the maximum amount of effort is made to have enforced equality (ie: affirmative action) across the entire culture, the division of the sexes becomes even more pronounced instead of less. Meaning women choose more typically feminine jobs and men stick to more typically male type occupations. It is our biological nature that drives us and to deny that is folly. We were created to fill specific roles and that is where we do best. There are always exceptions to the rule but for the most part, women will almost always voluntarily choose to be nurturers.
A Medieval Example of Why It Pays to be More Feminine
A long time ago when I still did medieval re-enactment (yes, I did that) a female friend of mine asked why the guys always treated me differently then they treated her. I didn’t have the heart to say it was because she acted more like one of the guys. I hadn’t really thought about it. But when I went to events I really played up the role of a lady. And not surprisingly I was treated as such by even the most gruff males in our group. This is one of the benefits of acting like a lady. No matter your social status, looks, age, or intelligence; if you act like a lady you’re more likely to be treated like one.
I Don’t Like to Wear Dresses, Can I Still Be Feminine?
Yes, yes you can. Even though how you dress does have an impact on your femininity, it is ultimately more about how you present yourself. And even more so about your behavior. I know some very feminine women who wear jeans, t-shirts and work hard on their homesteads. But they still manage to present themselves as very feminine.
One of my all-time favorite examples of true femininity is Audrey Hepburn. That woman was strong, kind, compassionate, elegant, and her beauty came from not only her appearance but from within.
Tips for Being More Ladylike
There are many things you can do to be more feminine. I would try to do one of these things at least once a day. Just like any good habit it takes time to develop. And before you know it you’ll be a real lady in no time.
- Either take the effort to do your hair, wear a little makeup, or wear a nice outfit every day for a week. You can do one or all depending on your comfort level. I always feel so much more cheerful when I do this.
- Practice doing one kind act a day. Whether that’s volunteering locally in your community, doing something nice for a family or friend, going out of your way to help someone you know who could use help, or saying something kind to a stranger.
- Learn one new thing every day.
- When you find yourself getting frustrated or angry with your spouse or someone close to you, stop yourself and ask is it worth hurting them to be right? Think about how much you love them. And instead of arguing kiss him on the cheek or hug them and tell them how much you value them. And then leave the room before you say something you’ll regret.
- Try to be more aware of your posture. Carry yourself lightly, raise your head, maintain eye contact when you are speaking to people, sit up straight in chairs, and cross your legs at your ankles. Not only will better posture be good for your health it is also a way to project a more feminine demeanor.
- In our modern culture sometimes we forget to use better manners. I know I do on occasion as well. Try using better manners for the day. You should always chew with your mouth closed, say please and thank you, be polite to others in public, and try to refrain from being crass.
Be Feminine and Strong
I truly feel that when we strive to be more feminine our lives as women become more beautiful. We don’t face nearly as much strife as when we are crass and aggressive. It’s like the saying goes,” You attract more bees with honey than vinegar”. Ultimately I have lived two different lives; one where I was progressive and way less feminine. And now, where I aspire to be more ladylike. I can honestly say I have always been treated more fairly and kindly by all when I chose to be more feminine.
When people see that you always try to make sure that those around you are comfortable and taken care of, they have more respect for you. They see you as a strong feminine woman. And being more feminine can only be a benefit to you, your family, and your community.
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