Where Did The Spark Go?
Marriage can be one of the most amazing, beautiful, and exciting parts of our lives. But there comes a time in everyone’s relationship when we feel like we’re just going through each day like a zombie. Most of us literally are just trying to get through all our day-to-day tasks without having the life sucked out of us. And then when the weekend rolls around we try to cram in even more chores. It’s no wonder when we get around to spending time with our spouse, it’s just the usual boring thing that we’ve been doing forever. Ready to shake up the routine? I’m going to show you how to put the spark back in your marriage, without setting your wallet on fire.
I remember the first time I looked into Aaron’s eyes. I thought, “Dang, he’s hot”! I’m sure it was something similar for you when you met your significant other. Honestly, that’s usually how it goes for most humans. We see another human and think, WOW! And then they open their mouth and that’s where the test of longevity happens. You either decide, dang I like the way they think. Or you realize crap, they were just a pretty face and there is absolutely no chemistry. Or even worse, they think ketchup is good on mac n cheese! I was fortunate, when Aaron finally did open his mouth we found out we had a lot in common. Although he has an unhealthy obsession with mashed potatoes. Oh well, they can’t all be perfect.
My point is most relationships start out with a flame of passion. But over time that flame tends to dwindle and in some cases completely disappears. Marriage cannot be based solely on passion or it will not survive for the duration. A healthy marriage is made when a man and a woman can make it through rough patches knowing that they can draw on each other for strength. And they also know that they may not feel that passion every day, and that’s perfectly fine. Passion is such a fleeting emotion, what sustains a marriage is love. It’s loving another person so much that you put their needs before your own, and they do the same.
Do you remember the first date you had with your spouse? Remember how nervous, excited, or freaked out you were? You took extra time on your hair, what you wore, even how you smelled? Why doesn’t it work like that anymore? Well, it has to do with comfort. Over time we get comfortable with our spouse, after all, they’ve seen you at your worst. You know what I’m talking about, nothing kills the passion in a marriage more than when you’re brushing your teeth and your husband decides to come into the bathroom and do his business. You’ve probably seen each other with the flu or maybe a hangover. Let me tell you, you weren’t exactly fresh as a daisy in those moments. So why should we get all prettied up when we know our spouse still loves us at our ugliest? Because it shows we still care.
To get back that spark, that flame, and the excitement we had when we first met we have to remember why we felt it in the first place. What was it about your spouse that made them stand out from all the others? For me, it was the fact that when I was around Aaron I felt like I could truly be myself. And maybe also because he was a great kisser. I also remember how much time I wanted to spend with him, no matter what was going on in my life, I made time to be with him. That right there is the key. We dated!
Ok, How Do We Get It Back?
In today’s world couples lives are so busy and full of tasks or thoughts that pull us in all directions. I can honestly admit there are days when I have to think about whether or not I embraced my husband and told him I loved him. It’s sad that I have to make a conscious effort to do that. But the reality is most couples have hundreds of things competing for their attention and double that if you have kids.
Instead of thinking of your marriage as an obligation, think of it as a refuge. When you shift your perspective from one of your marriage is just another task to be tended to, into something that you turn to for comfort from the world’s demands, it will start to resemble what it once was. This is why you need to set time aside once a week to devote entirely to your spouse. And I mean focusing on each other with no distractions; put away the cell phone, hire a sitter, whatever you need to do to give them your undivided attention.
Alright, so now you know why you need to date your spouse, let’s talk about the how. I know what you’re thinking, we’re on a budget, going out once a week can get pricey! Not if you get creative. After all, it’s not always about what you do, but who you’re with. Here are some of my favorite dates that are cheap on price, but a wealth of fun!
- Candle lit dinner on the patio
- A summer afternoon wandering the local nursery or arboretum
- Fishing trip at the local pond or lake
- Early showing of a movie (Aaron and I just paid $10 total to go see Deadpool 2 at 10:30a!)
- Coffee and a wander around the bookstore (my husband and I used to love doing this!!)
- Ice cream on a sunny afternoon at your local ice cream shop
- The ole’ standby, a walk on the beach
- If you have the ability, a backyard movie via a projector and white sheet.
- Always a great one, go to lunch at a local restaurant that you’ve never been to. (lunch is always cheaper than dinner.)
Dates don’t have to be anything extravagant or complicated. I find that Aaron and I have the most fun doing the silliest simple things together. You might even find some of our favorite dates here on the blog in upcoming posts, to help inspire you with date night ideas. 😉
Enjoy Those Little Moments
The whole point is to be present in the moment, try something new, and just enjoy your time together. Most women would prefer you pay attention and not pay for an expensive date. And ladies remember most men like to be shown that they are appreciated. Who knows you might even discover you have an interest in common you never knew about. Remember, passion can be a fleeting thing that does not last, but love can endure and cause you to find that excitement you experienced at the beginning of your relationship. Always think of it as you and your spouse against the world, and the day-to-day drudge will be much more tolerable. I know I always look forward to date night!